Satire: Star Wars, Episode 1

Actor Samuel L. Jackson, of Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown fame, will play "Jedi Master Mace Windu" in the upcoming Episode One of the Star Wars series.

braverman.org, having obtained a script on the black market, is pleased to excerpt some of Mace Windu's lines:

• "You don't need to see my goddamn identification, 'cause these ain't the motherfuckin' droids you're looking for."
• "Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know, 'cause even if it did I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker."
• "This is your father's lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every motherfuckin' stormtrooper in the room...accept no substitutes."
• "If Obi-wan ain't home then I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do. I ain't got no other connections on Tattooine."
• "Feel the Force, motherfucker."
• "What ain't no planet I've ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on What?"
• "You sendin' the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that's all you had to say!"
• "Yeah Chewie Rocky Horror's got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He's a wookie."
• "Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?"
• "Hand me my lightsaber... it's the one that says, 'BAD MOTHERFUCKER.'"

Submitted by reader B.P.